dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
