That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
