Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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