I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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