a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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