Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
either way he was missing a nipple.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
