I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
