Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
