he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Vodka?
Forever.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
