I hate your face
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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