Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
