Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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