I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
