omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
