I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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