Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
