i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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