Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
