so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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