in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
