hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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