when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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