i was born a porn star she said
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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