I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
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I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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