I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
