Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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