chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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