You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Is it because I queefed?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
