wat bout pragnant strippers??
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
