i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
