Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
