You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
