oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
