So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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