my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I think I just sharted jello shots
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