I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
it glows. i had to have it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
