Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You're like the curious george of whores
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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