Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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