I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
