Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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