I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my being single is dangerous.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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