I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize