You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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