i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
