Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
