Have you finally orgasmed yet?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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