We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
