i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
