Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
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For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
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In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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