I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize