I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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