dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
