YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
