Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
