you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
