Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im holly from the hills drunk
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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