I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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