I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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