Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
