I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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