i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
