Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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