he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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