what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
