Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
