Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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