I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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