i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
