what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
