I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
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