Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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