I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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