I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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