party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
