I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
