Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
