so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
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I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
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not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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