four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
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I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
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He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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