Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
