She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
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I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
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I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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