I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
